Death of Marilyn Monroe (2010)

Wrote on: Thursday October 7, 2010
((AN:// I typed this after a heartbreak from my first boyfriend in highschool. It's interesting to go back and read this now after knowing that fact. ))

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." — Marilyn Monroe



It's so hard to believe any of this.

Especially since, Marilyn, you most likely killed yourself.

By accident, or on purpose, from your drug overdose, I don't know. But, who can follow what you say if you killed yourself?

It's hard believing in "pre-destination." But at the same time, it's nice to somehow blame it on something and then accept that it was "all for a reason."

I want to believe that better things will come along. I know it eventually will because I have such a long life ahead of me. But when you feel like you are in a 6 foot pit at can't get out, how can you believe in better things falling together in place in your life?

It's hard to let go of anything. I can't learn to un-love, to forget, or to simply let go. I grow attached.  I believe it is just a part of me and is just my nature.

Sometimes I wish I can forget things; I wish to not have any emotions. That way I can never get hurt or let my feelings "get the best of me." That would be the best way to protect yourself and your heart.

But sadly I am not an android.

I keep secluded about how I personally feel because of the fact that I cannot trust anyone. Simple as that. It's human nature to gossip and to be curious and spread the news. The fact you know something makes you feel empowered to tell someone else.

Why should anyone learn to let go? We can never fully let go. Once a deep connection has been made, the ties cannot be fully severed. There are some strings to our hearts that cannot be truly cut from our souls.

One thing you did say, Marilyn, that I do like, is when things go wrong you can appreciate them when they are right. But, isn't that sort of a form of regret, meaning, living in the past? Aren't we told it is wrong to live in the past? That yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift: that is why it is called the "present?"

I just feel like degrading what you say because I myself am confused, irritable, frustrated, and deeply sad inside. I feel unemotional on the outside, and want to just escape for awhile. Taking out my frustration on something inspiring you said, Marilyn, makes me believe that I am making myself feel better.

I want to get out. I want to start anew so I can try to forget this.

Moving on.

But I know I will always think. Always remember.

We forget what we want to remember, and want to forget what we remember.