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First, an important thing to learn about yourself is what is causing the panic to arise in your body? Is there a trigger? Is it random?
What is happening?
The most basic thing to do is identify the reason for the panic, and then managing it from there.
Biologically, some people like myself are more prone to anxiety and depression. It's just something you are born with. I even noticed feeling and behaving differently from other kids at a very young age in elementary school. In my family history, my aunt has it, and my grandfather had it. It's a biological fact I have learned through a psychology class in college. A fact I have come to accept and believe.
Currently, I am 18, and my story with anxiety began almost two and a half years ago. I was diagnosed with IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) after a terrible months long episode of misery. I will never forget the pain I went through physically from the incurable syndrome. But, something else just wasn't right. I felt deep down that it wasn't just IBS that was causing me pain. I was having other rising odd symptoms and feelings after the time that this was happening to me.
After accepting the fact I needed help, I met with a therapist. After a few sessions he told me what was up with my attitude and behavior. He diagnosed me with depression, agoraphobia, and Panic disorder. Even though I had all these titles to my medical history now, it really didn't mean shit to me because I hadn't understood what all of it meant. It wasn't explained to me very well by anyone I could discuss it with. I had needed someone who felt the same feelings I had felt. Anyone.
It takes one to know one.
But there wasn't anyone around me who could fully understand. Later I would learn, that it was okay. It would just make me stronger, and set an example for others who may go through the emotional turmoil I had. But at least that person would not be alone.
At that time, I didn't want to leave the house to go places. I was prone to being sad and wanting to be alone most of the time. I would have tingling cramping sensations in my hands and body, feelings of nausea, shakes/shivers, and an emotion of impending doom. I felt everything was a threat. I even developed a fear of the food I would eat because of how much I would vomit.
Before experiencing a full blown panic attack, I felt what could be known as a prerequisite: General anxiety. That's the technical term for it. You feel continuous tense apprehensiveness. My body was in hyper mode all the time; I could not relax. I could feel this days, and even weeks at a time. I felt something dreadful was going to happen to me. I was creating an unneeded panic for myself. My body felt it was about to die.
Soon I would go into a full blown panic. I felt terrified, I would puke, have shivers, become skinny, depressed, and had an escalated heart rate.
I had realized something after those panic attacks.
Panic cannot kill me.
There wasn't a real threat that was going to happen to me.
I am my own threat.
I am the fear I was causing myself.
With a combination of drugs and therapy, I was able to at least tolerate and finally begin to accept me for who I am. That is the MOST important thing you can ever do for yourself. Accept it all. Be happy you are the way you are, even with your flaws. Because if you accept who you are, and embrace it, then more than likely others will. It's healthy for your conscious.
Know you aren't alone.
But now that I know this, at the age of 16, what do I do? Where do I go for myself from here? Why can't I be normal like other people my age?
Why?
How?
To be continued...
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